


And From Darkness It Shall Rise

by tatertotarmy



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Mind Rape, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3856441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertotarmy/pseuds/tatertotarmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the dead of night, Natsume is called for help by a mysterious youkai with a shy disposition and a deadly smile. With Nyanko-sensei out drinking and Natsume not wanting to turn down their plea, Natsume follows them alone into the woods.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Into the Woods

First, he heard a tap on the window. It was a subtle sound, so quiet against the typical creaks and moans of the house that it was mere chance that Natsume awoke. His eyes opened to the dimly lit room, the moon casting long shadows that striped across his bed. In the corner of his eye, he could see Nyanko-sensei’s bed long since abandoned for a night of drinking. Though he had gotten accustomed to his so-called ‘bodyguard’ leaving almost every night, he still sighed as he turned his head away towards the window. 

Before his eyes closed to try and get some more sleep, he saw a face peering at him through the glass.

Natsume yelped as he sat up straight in the bed. The figure outside the window jumped at the sudden noise, but held its ground behind the glass. He stared at the mysterious figure, wondering if it was another youkai asking for their name from the Book of Friends. It was a timid youkai with a feminine face and long, ash brown hair that curled around their face like vines. They cast no shadow on the ground, like the moonlight passed right through them. Sticking out from the top of their head were two dead branches from a tree. He met their empty grey eyes and felt a shiver go up his spine. 

He slowly stood up, attempting to fight a groggy awakening as he approached the window with a gentle smile on his face. The youkai shrank away from the window as he opened it up, and fled even more when he stuck his head outside. They lifted the long sleeves of their brown kimono as if to shield themself from his gaze.

“Hello. Is there something you need?” Natsume asked gently.

The youkai hesitantly approached, dropping their arms while still keeping a careful distance from him, “Are you the strong one…? Natsume Reiko…?” Their voice was ephemeral and light, with subtle undertones lining it like whispers beneath their breath.

“No…” Natsume wondered just what the youkai meant by strong, “Reiko was my grandmother. I am Takashi.”

“Oh…forgive me for not distinguishing you,” the youkai bowed their head before meeting his eyes, “Natsume Takashi, I have come to request assistance from you.” Their head lowered shyly, and their slender fingers fiddled together like they were attempting to piece together the words.

“What kind of assistance do you need?” he stepped back from the window, “Please, come inside.”

“No,” the youkai drifted closer to the window, “I do not wish to intrude. I am Shi, and I arrive on behalf of my clan in the forest.”

“Alright,” Natsume sat down facing the window, “What is it you want?”

“For countless years, our lord has been sealed away in the ground. We have attempted to free him many times, but we cannot hope to damage the seal without hurting ourselves. We hope that if we find another strong human like the one who placed it, perhaps we can break it,” Shi paused, looking directly at Natsume with their empty eyes. He tried not to look away and focused on the situation.

If a seal was placed on Shi’s lord, then it was likely it was the work of exorcists. Natsume’s mind flashed back to the gathering of exorcists, to Matoba’s mansion, to Natori and Hiiragi looking up at him while he wore the garb of a God. He had dealt with exorcists far more than he would be comfortable with, and Shi’s request put an unsettling feeling within him. Still, he tried to be reasonable and not let that get in the way of helping Shi. Youkai felt time differently than humans, and what Shi described as years could have been decades. Natsume tried to use that knowledge to keep his minds from the modern clans he had encountered so far, but still had a sinking feeling that they were involved nonetheless. 

“Natsume Takashi,” Shi’s strange, multitoned voice snapped him from his thoughts, “We have heard of your name and of Natsume Reiko many times in the forest. We wish for you to assist us in releasing the seal. We apologize, but you are the only option we have left.” They bowed low, the branches on their head centimeters from touching the windowsill. Natsume stared, wondering whether to help or not. Shi seemed sincere, and in the dead of night, exorcists probably wouldn’t be involved. His eyes drifted to Nyanko’s empty perch and wondered if he would see him on the way. He could imagine the pudgy cat yelling at him for getting involved in something again, but he didn’t have the heart to turn Shi away.

“I don’t know how much help I will be, but I’ll try,” Natsume stood up and smiled gently at the spirit. Shi’s head snapped up, a bright smile spreading on their cracked lips. 

“I thank you sincerely. I will be waiting for you outside,” Shi answered quickly before drifting from the window. Natsume merely stared at the sight for a moment before finally taking a look around his room. He spotted the small clock sitting on his desk. Two in the morning. He was thankful that it was Saturday, and only hoped that this wouldn’t take too long so the Fujiwaras wouldn’t notice his absence.

After changing into some regular clothes, putting on a watch, and putting the Book of Friends into his usual messenger bag, Natsume carefully made his way to the front door of the house. He was careful not to make a sound, as he didn’t want to wake the Fujiwaras. As he slid the door open, he spotted Shi floating near the gate of their property.

“Let us hurry,” Shi spoke as he closed the door and locked it behind him, “Our lord is in the depths of the forest. I will guide you along the quickest route a human can take.” Natsume turned to them and nodded slowly. Shi drifted away, taking no time to guide Natsume towards the thick forest.

The walk itself was uneventful, with Shi carefully guiding Natsume through a smooth path in the forest that seemed to be formed just for human use. He watched Shi as they avoided every tree branch and obstacle that was in their way, almost as if repulsed by another touch. Natsume wondered just what the youkai’s problem was until he spotted something pressed into the base of one of the trees. A scrap of paper with a simple repulsion spell, one that he had seen Natori use many times over. Though the ink was worn and likely not useful anymore, it still made Natsume tense the slightest bit. 

As the continued, the marks grew even more prominent, increasing in number as the trees grew thicker around the pathway. Just as forty-five minutes passed by, entire tree trunks were encased in countless scraps of paper with the same worn ink. Natsume fought the urge to turn back and look for Nyanko-sensei before he went on, but then he remembered that the cat would be drunk if he ever found him. His hands wrapped tightly around the strap of his bag like it was a safety net. As the hour hand on his watch approached three, he saw a clearing open up in the distance. Within the clearing were countless pairs of white eyes trained on him.

“We have arrived,” Shi spoke as they broke through the clearing. Natsume hesitantly followed and looked around the circular clearing in the middle of the forest. Lining the trees were youkai similar to Shi with the same dead eyes and the same dead branches sticking out from their head. The clearing itself was stale, with dried grass and no other plant life dispersed in between. In the direct center of the clearing was a wooden circle wrapped in countless spells covering a hole. The ink of the spells had worn, but the paper was still firmly keeping the seal in place. As he took a step towards the seal, murmuring started between the youkai. Shi floated to the seal and was careful to keep their distance.

“Natsume Takashi,” Shi gestured to the seal, “This is where our lord is held.”

“I see,” Natsume answered, “I apologize, I don’t know what I should do.” Natsume had performed plenty of spells, but only with Natori and that had been strictly for capturing dangerous youkai. He did not know what would have to be done to remove such a spell. 

“I saw the human place this seal,” Shi whispered, turning away from him, “He placed the seals as any normal human would have done. Our lord would have easily escaped with his power. However…the same human offered a drop of his blood. We believe this has some connection.”

Natsume’s eyes widened, though he didn’t feel like he should be surprised, “How am I supposed to break such a seal?”

“Perhaps if you were to offer your blood, it might overpower the existing seal…” Shi suggested as they floated away from the wooden seal. 

“My blood…?” Natsume lifted his wrist up and examined the blue veins that flowed prominently on his pale skin. Would such a thing actually work, or would it simply strengthen the seal even more? For once, he wished he had Natori there to shed some light on the situation. Natori was much more well-versed in these spells than Natsume was, even after all of the things the actor had taught him.

A thud against the ground beside him nearly made him jump. Natsume turned his head to see Shi floating beside a sharp rock that sat amongst a cluster of dead grass. He bent over and grabbed the rock, twisting it around his hand carefully. There were some black marks on the rock, like long fingers had forever left their shadow upon it. Natsume looked from the rock to the seal before taking a step forward. 

Natsume held his left wrist over the seal and slowly pressed the rock over one of his veins.

“Natsume!”

The familiar voice made Natsume flinch, pulling the rock away from his tender flesh for a second. Just as Natsume turned his head, Shi was upon him, forcing the rock directly into his wrist. Shi’s touch burned, like his skin was pulling apart and tearing asunder. Natsume struck back, and the spirit was flung away like a discarded doll, their eyes glued to the blood draining from his wrist. He looked down, his golden eyes tracing the burned skin on his right hand that bore the mark of Shi’s hand and then to the jagged gash along his left wrist with blood that dripped freely down to the seal below.

Before the blood even touched the paper, the ground began to shake.

In seconds, the wood was in splinters, with a dark shadow bursting forth from the underground. As the darkness clouded his vision, two pure white irises with no pupils emerged and locked onto him. He felt a velvet hand stroke his left arm, and Natsume couldn’t do anything but stare into those eyes and let the abyss begin to consume him.

“Natsume!”

Sheets of paper shot into his vision, drawing dark clouds back. He felt a tight hand wrap around his right hand and pull him away from the black. He numbly let himself be pulled along, watching as the cloud of smoke drew further and further away from him. The gash against his wrist began to grow dull, the burns on his hand turned to nothing. As the cloud faded from his sight, the light faded from his eyes.


	2. The Mark

_Natsume didn’t remember how he got there. He was sitting in the kitchen, waiting patiently as Touko hummed a gentle song as she prepared lunch on the kitchen counter. His eyes lulled from one side of the room to the other. His mind felt as if it were filled with water, sloshing from side to side with every move he made. The light from outside shone through the open window, but he couldn’t register the heat of the sun on his cheek. He only knew that he was back home, waiting for another delicious meal made by Touko._

_It felt completely wrong._

_He watched as Touko turned towards him with an empty face. Her lips moved, but only white noise filled his ears as he remembered something had happened. He looked down to his arms to see them pale and pristine. He knew something was supposed to be there. He knew that he was not okay. His eyes shut, like he thought that shutting out the world would help the fog dissipate from his thoughts._

“You’re awake.”

Natsume’s eyes opened to dead trees surrounding him, barely shielding the barren landscape from the moon high in the sky. He was already sitting up, though he didn’t remember when he had moved. His mind was still numb, and he felt detached from his body as if he was just watching from a television screen with no will to act for himself. He forced his neck to turn, but even that simple movement was a struggle. Beside him was a man with red eyes and a prominent lizard tattoo that sat in the center of his face.

“Natori…” Natsume whispered with a hoarse voice, “What are you doing here?” He knew that this would involve an exorcist. He just didn’t want to think about it when he first walked out of the house. Natori looked at him with a cross face, much different from when the actor had found him masquerading as a god. Before, Natori had at least masked his concern with a joking attitude. Now, Natori’s face was grim, eyes flickering from his face to his arms still numbly pulsing with pain.

“I should be asking the same of you,” Natori’s grim voice echoed through Natsume’s head, and he was barely able to concentrate on the words, “Some ‘bodyguard’ you have…you’ve gotten wrapped up into something big, Natsume.”

“What do you mean…?” Natsume asked as his head lulled back to the front. The memories cycled through his mind as he closed his eyes. The seal bursting open, Shi shoving the rock into his wrist, a voice calling out to him as the world faded away.

Natsume opened his eyes.

_It was light, the sun peeking through thick trees. He felt a warm breeze against his cheek, and he felt a hand drape over his own hand. A smile graced his lips._

“Natsume! Stay with me!”

His eyes opened to see Natori looking at him desperately. Hands were clutched around his shoulders like he had just been shaken. Natsume’s eyes widened as he looked up to the sky. The trees were dead, barren. The pain in his arms returned, and he could feel nothing against the numb except for a growing cold. He slowly met Natori’s eyes and took in a deep breath.

“Natori…what’s happening?”

Natori paused, looking at Natsume carefully before he let his hands drop, “Look at your arm.” Natsume stared for a second, waiting for any other explanation, but soon let his head drop down to his arms.

His left wrist had been carefully bandaged, though Natsume could see some traces of blood begin to soak through. However, that was not what concerned him. Surrounding the bandage were jagged black markings that spread from his wound like a sunburst. They looked like tattoos on his skin, but on closer inspection Natsume could see that it was moving, spreading out like vile tendrils meant to ensnare him. He let out a sharp breath as he pushed his arm into the ground like distance could make it disappear.

The movement only made the mark move faster. Natsume blinked to a new scene, of him sitting in his father’s house. He blinked again to be back in school. Then he was watching fireworks with Taki, on a school trip with Tanuma, eating watermelon with Nyanko-sensei. The images burned in his eyelids, each one trying to convince him that they were reality. He knew that Natori was there, sitting beside him. Still, the images kept appearing like a tortuous slideshow.

“Hey,” a steady hand was gripping his shoulder, “Try to calm down. Panicking only makes it worse. Lie down.” He let Natori guide him down as he continued to fight, and it took what felt like hours until he opened his eyes to a night sky. His breathing began to steady as he turned his head to look at Natori.

“Sorry, I should have warned you,” Natori spoke with a sigh, “This might be easier if you start from your story. Are you able to talk?”

Natsume took in a deep breath and ignored the sandpaper feeling of a voice passing through his throat, “I was…trying to help. A youkai asked for help…said that their god was trapped…” 

“Of course,” Natori gave a disgusted chuckle as the corner of his lips curled, “Only they would go this low. Natsume, I want you to listen. You’ve been marked for death.”

“Death…?” Natsume repeated, “B-But…why?”

“All of the youkai in this area are of death. Remember when that youkai touched you? It burned, didn’t it?” Natori explained. Natsume moved his right arm and felt the dull sting flash against his nerves. It was just where Shi had touched him. 

“But they seemed genuine…”

“That’s part of their ruse. Not all youkai are as friendly as you’d like to think, Natsume,” Natori’s eyes lowered to the twitching mark on Natsume’s wrist, “The god they were trying to free used to regularly receive human sacrifices in order to strengthen itself. It would send its minions to lure humans there, though it’s been decades since the Matoba clan sapped its strength and sealed it away. Some people began to notice that its minions were gathering again, so there was a call to strengthen the seal and take care of the followers. Though apparently we were too late. It looks like the god had the strength to break the seal, and unfortunately you were the one taken to be its next sacrifice.”

“What?” Natsume looked back down at the mark, “Then…what is this?”

“It’s a mark that some youkai use to lure their prey back to them. I’ve only seen this once before, and it can be pretty bad. The mark works very similarly to possession. It plays tricks on the mind and tries to lure you into a perfect fantasy, and no matter how much you break through, it comes back with better tactics each time. While the mind is distracted, the mark takes over the body and leads it to the youkai,” Natori paused, and Natsume had to remember to breathe. Those visions that had flashed through his mind, each one trying to convince him that it was reality, were all parasites that were trying to take him over. He watched as the mark twitched again, one tendril inching to the base of his index finger. 

His thoughts drifted back to Shi. Everything had been a lie so he could be a sacrifice. He felt idiotic, foolish not to wait for Nyanko-sensei to come back. He could have turned them down. But no, he thought that it was a genuine problem. Youkai had come to him countless times for their troubles, and even the more dangerous ones turned out to be kind at heart. Why was it now that it came crashing down on him? The way Natori barely scolded him because his life was now on the line just made the nail sink in further. He was an idiot, always having to be rescued by someone else, whether they be human or spirit. He should have learned that long ago when he was trapped in the Matoba house in the Eastern Forest. 

But he couldn’t afford to dwell on such thoughts. His eyes wandered to his right hand, where the perfect hand-shaped pink burn stood prominent against his skin. These youkai hurt people, and they even sacrificed others. He could think about such things later. Now, he needed to survive and help Natori on his mission.

“Is there any way to cure this?” Natsume said quietly as his thumb began to trace the blood that was soaking through his bandage, “Natori, if this can be cured, then I would like to help you in whatever way I can.”

Natori leaned back, “Natsume, you’ve been a great help before, but this mark can only be removed by killing the youkai who placed it. And if you get too close to it, that mark will get even worse. Right now I have Hiiragi monitoring the situation. I’ll make sure she watches over you when I leave. I’ll make sure everything will be dealt with.”

“But – ”

“Natsume. You can’t help me. I need you to stay here until it’s over.”

Of course, he was useless again. Natsume kept his eyes on his wrist as he slowly nodded his head. He could feel Natori’s triumphant smile practically illuminate his face as the actor stood up. Natori walked away to another dead tree and looked up to the sky.

As Natori called for Hiiragi and began to explain the situation to the masked youkai, Natsume wondered if that night would have been any different if he had refused. Would Shi have tried to force him to come along? Or would they have taken someone else? Natori had mentioned that they lured humans for sacrifice, so that meant they could appear before humans at will. Would they have lured Touko? Tanuma? Taki? Going was the right choice, wasn’t it?

Natsume closed his eyes, trying to think everything through. Helping the youkai, even the deceptive ones, was always a good thing, right? He had always wanted to be kind to others like when kindness had been shown to him, so why shouldn’t he extend that to youkai? His head began to feel heavy as the thoughts pulled him farther and farther down. He heard faint footsteps approach, though they seemed so far away like they were in a distant dream.

_When Natsume finally came to, he felt warm. He felt the soft touch of blankets surround him, and it felt like he was lying on a cloud. As his eyes fluttered open, they traced a smooth cream ceiling above him. It wasn’t his room, nor did the bed feel like the usual one he laid out on the floor. It was softer, pulling him in. His eyes slowly made their way across the room, taking in the structured style of a city hotel room. He tried to remember just how he had gotten there, and as he moved his arm he felt a sting. Then he remembered the burn on his arm, and soon the memories of the previous night came flowing into him._

_He sat up and looked at the window, its translucent curtains letting through diluted rays of sunlight. In seconds, he was up and standing in his clothes from the previous night. How long had he been there? What would the Fujiwaras think if they found him missing? He didn’t want to make them worry, least of all when it involved youkai and exorcists. As he took a step towards the plain white door, the doorknob began to turn._

_Natori entered the room alone, dressed in his normal street attire when he wasn’t acting. He noticeably jumped at Natsume, like he wasn’t expecting him to be awake. His expression quickly relaxed as he took off his hat and set it down on an end table next to the door._

_“I wasn’t expecting you up so soon. How are you feeling?” Natori asked as he walked towards Natsume._

_Natsume looked down to his hands. The burns on his right arm were still pink, though they weren’t as bad as they were the night before. The bandages on his left had been rewrapped with fresh ones, and the black markings had faded to a light pink like it was a healing scratch. With some hesitance, Natsume began to reach towards his bandaged wrist to see just how bad the damage was._

_Natori grabbed his hand before he could do so, “I wouldn’t look. It still hadn’t healed when I wrapped it up again. Let’s give it time to heal first.”_

_Natsume looked up to Natori, “Thank you…”_

_“It’s no problem,” Natori spoke with a smile, “Though, I would have rather not wrapped a wound to begin with…”_

_“Right…” Natsume looked back down, “I apologize for troubling you. I really did think that they needed help…”_

_“You really need to learn to turn those youkai down.”_

_“But what if there was trouble? What if they took someone else instead of me?”_

_“They would have come for you anyway.”_

_Natsume’s head snapped up. Natori looked at him with the same smile he wore for everyday conversation. Natsume’s initial instinct was to ask why, but he stopped his breath short before the words passed between his lips. His eyes traced the edges of the hotel room again. The forest had only been a little more than forty-five minute walk from the Fujiwara's home._

_His finger traced the remnant of the death mark on his wrist as he looked towards the door._

_“Natori…” Natsume began carefully, eyes locked on the door, “Can you please take me home?”_

_“Is there something wrong?” Natori asked. Natsume felt himself take a small step backwards._

_“My family’s probably worried about me,” Natsume spoke, wondering what would happen if he made a break for the door._

_“Your guardians seem to trust me. I’m sure they’ll understand once I explain the situation to them,” Natori took a step forward, his shoulder blocking Natsume’s view._

_“What would you tell them?”_

_“What do you think I’d tell them?”_

_Natsume froze, looking back up to see Natori’s face dead serious. He tried to keep himself calm, reminding himself that all of this was just some conjuration of the mark. But what if it wasn’t?_

_Before he could answer, Natori continued, “Natsume, I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve understood why you never wanted to enter into the world of exorcists. But this has just gone too far. If I hadn’t been there, then you wouldn’t even have an opportunity to say goodbye.”_

_“Goodbye…?” Natsume felt his throat begin to try. This was all a vision, he thought. This was just some trick to keep him from fighting back. But the blatant truth blindsided him. Would this be what Natori would say once they were out of there? The number of times that Natsume could have died or become prisoner was alarmingly high. He always tried to be considerate towards the Fujiwaras, but he never considered that whenever he walked out of the house to help a youkai, no matter how dangerous the task was. If he was going to continue this, would it just be better if he was out of their mind?_

_“Natsume…it would be better if you lived among those familiar to you. At the very least, you could know what to do if things like that happened again,” Natori set a hand on Natsume’s shoulder, “It’s for their own good.” Natsume swallowed and tried to focus on the actual problem. He shrugged off Natori’s shoulder and tried to walk around him._

_“It’s true, isn’t it?” Natori whispered as Natsume passed him. Natsume stopped in his tracks. Before he could think it through, Natori gripped his shoulders and pushed him against the wall. Natsume tried to struggle, but the grip was stiff and struggling was as futile as trying to push against the hotel wall itself. Natori’s glasses slipped from his nose and clattered against the carpet like the ground was made of stone. The vision was falling apart, and the mark didn’t bother to keep up the appearances of reality anymore. The mark had Natsume cornered, and even though Natsume knew, he couldn’t fight against it._

_“Natsume…” Natori whispered as he rested his lips on the side of his neck, “Stay…it’s for the best of everyone, right?”_

_Ever since he was little, Natsume knew that he was different. Ever since he was little, he had been an inconvenience to everyone around him. Ever since he was little, he didn’t know of anyone else who knew his world, the one filled with the monsters from children’s story tales._

_“That’s right…you get that now…” Natori’s lips brushed against Natsume’s cheek as he lifted his head to lock eyes, “You’ll just keep being the odd one out…even after all of that, you’ll just make them worry, right?”_

_Natsume couldn’t pull away from Natori’s red eyes. Some part of him was still crying out that he needed to escape and break free from the spell, but it was lost to numbness and quickly forgotten as Natori slowly grew closer to him._

_Before their lips touched, Natori suddenly lurched back. The walls around him began to crack, and a multi-toned scream began to pour from Natori’s mouth. Natsume watched with wide eyes as the vision finally crumbled._

When Natsume’s eyes opened, he saw the black cloud quickly flee into the cover of dead trees. He saw the faint trail of smoke begin only a few feet from where he now stood in the center of a clearing. His eyes widened when he saw a small scraps of paper float down from the sky.

“Natsume…?”

He flinched when he heard the voice as the countless images from the vision came soaring back to him. He forced himself to remember that it was just something that the mark had conjured to keep him unawares, but he found himself scared as he slowly turned to his right. His breath hitched when he saw Natori crumpled over on the ground, a swelling bump on his cheek and an arm protectively over his stomach. In the shadows, he could see Hiiragi standing with a new crack on her mask.

“Natori…” Natsume spoke as horror welled up in his throat, “What happened…?”

“You’re back…” Natori spoke in relief as he met Natsume’s eyes, “Natsume…listen, it isn’t your fault…” Natsume stared before shakily looking down at his hands. He looked back to Natori and Hiiragi as he began to put the pieces together. No…he couldn’t have allowed himself to stay in the trance only to let that happen.

“Natori…what do you – ”

“Ah…it isn’t usual that one of my traps fail. Perhaps this youkai is stronger than I thought.”

Natsume’s breath hitched at the familiar voice that came from behind. Natori stiffened as well, shakily lowering his hands in order to sit steady. Hiiragi vanished into the shadow of a tree.

“I didn’t image that I would find you here as well, Natsume,” Natsume’s eyes widened as he slowly began to turn around, “Though we do seem to run into each other quite a lot. I imagine the blood I found was yours?”

At the edge of the clearing in the shadow of a tree was Matoba, surrounded by his man-made youkai that hung from various trees around him. Natsume tried to take a step back, but his muscles failed him and he only crumpled down onto the ground. Matoba took a step forward, allowing the moon to illuminate him.

“Matoba…leave him alone,” Natori called out.

“Unfortunately, I can’t do that,” Matoba replied with a smirk, “From what I can gather here, Natsume unleashed that youkai and is marked by it as a human sacrifice. Thus, Natsume is our only lead of tracing it.”

“Don’t you dare take him away,” Natori yelled. Natsume tried to back away, but his muscles weren’t cooperating properly like the mark had sapped his strength. If Matoba hadn’t intervened, then he would have been eaten. Was this an effect of the mark to keep him from running?

“I shall take what I need,” Matoba spoke as he looked down at Natsume, “I’m sure that if I say that it was Natsume who unleashed such a beast into the world again, then the other clans would agree that using him is fair.” He heard Natori grunt behind him, and Natsume only held his head down in shame. It was his fault, there was no denying that. His mind was still fuzzy from the vision, and at that moment all he felt was defeat. He couldn’t get out of this. His body was weak, he hurt Natori and Hiiragi while under the spell, and he was stupid enough to go off on his own without Nyanko-sensei. 

“Natsume, let’s go.”

Hiiragi materialized beside him and grabbed tightly onto his arm. Natsume let out a cry of pain as she pulled him up, both injury and muscle pain stabbing his nerves all at once. Just as Hiiragi helped Natsume get steady on his feet, Matoba signaled his youkai with the flick of a wrist. In seconds, dozens of man-made youkai flooded into the clearing, all of them twitching and bending in unnatural ways as they made their way to Natsume, Hiiragi, and Natori. Hiiragi made her move, attempting to pull Natsume back into the cover of the trees. Natsume’s legs barely cooperated, and it took only seconds of trying to not keep Hiiragi down when he felt countless hands begin to crawl on his body. They wrapped around him, embracing him, gripping tightly into his skin as they pulled him backward.

“Hiiragi!” Natori yelled as Natsume watched another youkai tackle her. Then, he was dragged continuously backwards, watching with wide eyes as Natori and Hiiragi grew smaller and smaller. Then, the hands released him and let him crumple down onto the dead grass. Another hand wrapped tightly around his left wrist and pulled him up to his knees. Natsume struggled to lift his head, but it locked into place when he saw Matoba standing tall above him, examining the mark on his hand with a triumphant grin. 

“Well, Natsume,” Matoba whispered quietly as he traced his thumb over a wiggling black tendril that wrapped around Natsume’s finger, “It seems that we’ll be spending a bit of time together to fix this mess.”

Matoba released his wrist, and Natsume fell down into the grasp of the youkai.


	3. In His Grasp

Natsume felt hands all around him, caressing every inch of his body as if they were the clothing he wore. The sky had long since been consumed by the flood of black limbs and empty masks, and he could barely tell where they were – if they had even started moving at all. His ears were filled with the disgusting noises that the man-made youkai made whenever the moved. For once, he would have been thankful to hear Matoba’s voice. At the very least, it would have been an anchor for him. Now, Natsume was alone with the mark, letting the hands pull and push him around.

_”Don’t worry, I’ll find you again.”_

_Natsume’s eyes were filled with light. He was lying down in white space with hands crawling around his waist. It was the mark again, though this time the dream was far away. Only a projection, not like the depth that the nightmare with Natori had plunged him into. Perhaps it was because of Matoba’s assault that the mark had grown dimmer in his mind._

_“After all, you have the power I seek.”_

_The hands crawled downward, brushing against his hips. Natsume blinked and Natori was on top of him. Only it wasn’t Natori. The triumphant grin was all wrong, the eyes were too bright against his skin, and Natsume could see the lizard mark crawl on Natori’s left arm._

_“What do you mean?” Natsume asked in monotone, some vague curiosity poking his brain through the fog, “You said you would come for me anyway…”_

_Natori chuckled as he leaned down closer, “You think a normal human could bring me to full power after the cursed seal? I require power such as yours. I count myself lucky that my servants were able to bring you to me with no blood shed.”_

_Natsume’s eyes widened as Natori leaned in, “Blood…?”_

_“Of course,” Natori gently kissed his neck, “Some families are so reluctant to let my prey follow my servants. I was hoping that a peaceful solution would keep those exorcists at bay. However, it seems that they knew regardless. Something to learn once their new seal breaks…”_

_Natsume took in a shaky breath as Natori breathed into his ear, “You’ve killed…innocent bystanders?”_

_“It’s the human’s fault for intervening,” he chuckled darkly as his face buried into the small of Natsume’s neck. Natsume froze, thinking of the Fujiwaras. They would have gotten involved if he had said no. But now…he was only making them worry. What would Matoba do to him? How long would he be spirited away in the clutches of exorcists?_

_“Now, now. You won’t have to worry about those things anymore,” Natori whispered as his lips began to trace a line to Natsume’s torso, “You’ll be used for a higher purpose. Once that happens, you won’t worry about the difficulties of human life. No choice between human groups. No worries about those you would only cause trouble for. Just you and me, intertwined.”_

_Natori lifted his head. Cracks were beginning to form on his skin like it was made of broken glass. Natsume watched with wide eyes as small pieces of skin began to fall to reveal only darkness underneath._

_“It appears that our time is up for now,” Natori whispered as he looked up into white space, “Goodbye for now, Natsume. I look forward to meeting you again…”_

When the white space shattered around Natsume, a familiar, small tatami room spread out before him. His eyes could barely stay open, and the dim candlelight only made the struggle worse. Beside him, he could see Matoba sitting beside him with the marked wrist in hand. Matoba was wrapping a paper tightly around his wrist, though he couldn’t tell just what the point of it was. As his eyes tried to stay open, he found himself remembering when he became trapped at the house in the Eastern Forest. The room grew more familiar the more he looked at it.

Natsume’s breath hitched when Matoba pulled the paper tighter around his wrist. A flash of pain spiked up his arm and travelled all through his body in wave. As the paper was secured in place, the pain dissipated and left Natsume alone with his thoughts. The fog on his mind wasn’t clouding him as much anymore, though his thoughts still came murkily. His muscles were tired like he had ran to the top of a mountain, though at the very least he could control his body now. 

“You finally stopped struggling,” Matoba spoke, with a familiar grin on his face, “Perhaps I am talking to Natsume Takashi, now?”

Natsume flinched at the question and let his head fall to the side against a pillow. In the corner of the room, he could see chipped pieces of a youkai’s mask swept to the side. So he had been taken over by the mark again. At the very least, Matoba hadn’t been hurt like Natori had been. Though he had no kind feelings towards Matoba, he never wished to hurt him.

“Where is Natori?” Natsume asked as a flash of the mark’s chosen appearance flashed to his mind. Natori was nothing like that, but it was beginning to be difficult to discern reality from fiction. Memories of under the mark’s control were constructed like real events, and even knowing they were fake didn’t help him as much as he would have liked it to. He dredged up memories from before, the many times he had spent in Natori’s presence, only for the face of the mark to come crashing back into him. The false memories of Natori whispering into his ear, telling him things that had been in the back of his mind since becoming more entangled in with the youkai and exorcists. 

“I wouldn’t know,” Matoba said as he gently set Natsume’s wrist down, “Perhaps he is still in that clearing?”

“But he was hurt!” Natsume tried to sit up, but his muscles screamed in agony and sent his head falling back to the pillow.

“That was his own fault for dealing with a marked human,” Matoba leaned back, “Perhaps you should be more concerned with yourself.”

“But I was – ”

“Cursed by a death god,” Matoba stood up, “Regardless, that mark should be quiet for now. I assume you are tired.”

“No…” Natsume’s vision began to blur. He wondered whether it was something that Matoba had done or it was just the dim room lulling him back to sleep. Though…he hadn’t really been sleeping, had he? He had just been controlled. 

“We’ll talk later, Natsume…” Matoba walked away, leaving Natsume alone in the empty room. Natsume watched as the door opened and closed, wondering what would happen once he could actually move on his own. He had to get out of there and find Nyanko-sensei. He needed to make sure Natori was alright and apologize. Hiiragi had been harmed as well. Natsume closed his eyes tightly. He had done so much harm that night.

He fell into darkness with his thoughts, and thankfully the marked image of Natori did not come to him.

 

Light shimmered over his eyes, slowly stirring him from a dreamless sleep. Natsume rolled to his side and wondered what time it was. Usually Touko would wake him up in the morning – he had trouble getting up since he started getting visits about names at night – so it was odd to be awoken by light. His eyes dazed open, and the unfamiliarity of the room sent a jolt through his system that woke him up in seconds.

He was in a completely empty room, with nothing but a few doors, a window beside him, and the bedspread he was sprawled out on. In an instant, memories of what happened the previous night leaked into his brain. As he processed all of the snapshots that flew through his head, his first and foremost concern overtook panic before it took hold: how long had he been sleeping, and where was Matoba?

Natsume slowly sat up in the bed. He was still dressed in the clothes he left the house in and his bag holding the Book of Friends sat beside him – that he was thankful for – and he looked over his arms with furrowed eyebrows. His right arm was wrapped in bandages, though he could still feel the sting of his burns, and his left was wrapped in countless seals from his elbow and up around his index finger. A flash of Matoba wrapping his mark came to mind. Perhaps it was a seal to stop the mark from progressing? His head certainly didn’t hold the fog that weighed on him the previous night. Natsume took in a deep breath, ready to act if this instant was a vision as well.

His eyes flickered to the window and took in the mass of trees that stretched on from beyond. Though it had been a while since then, Natsume could still remember the Eastern Forest. He could only assume that he had been taken to the Matoba clan’s settlement there, though he did not know why. What the youkai called the Eastern Forest was a ways from where Natsume unleashed the death youkai. What purpose did Matoba have for taking him there? He furrowed his eyebrows at seals that lined the window. 

He remembered what happened last time he was there. He remembered what happened right before Nyanko-sensei intervened. Matoba pinning him against the wall, his body dangerously close to Natsume’s, Matoba whispering _dangerous_ thoughts to infiltrate Natsume’s confidence like poison. The same words that came back when the mark was placed onto him.

A shiver went down Natsume’s spine. He stood, knowing that he had to get out of there. 

Natsume put his bag over his shoulder and walked to one of the doors and opened to see another empty room. The same occurred when he walked to a hallway and back into another room. It was as if the place had been completely deserted. He remembered other exorcists wandering the halls when he had been captured. He remembered small rooms filled with objects he had never seen before. He remembered a dungeon in the lower floor with a small window that he had escaped from.

From what Natsume saw, probably the only thing left was the dungeon. But where did Matoba go?

He took in a deep breath and started heading towards where he thought the front door would be. The rest of the house proved to be an empty husk of what it used to be, like it was a home ready to be put on the market. Natsume didn’t know what had caused this abandonment. Perhaps after Nyanko-sensei and Misuzu dispelled all of the barriers in the area, they decided to abandon the Eastern Forest. It was a good thing nonetheless, though that didn’t explain just why he had been taken there. The seals that he found placed on all of the windows made him grow even more uneasy.

Natsume walked through a door to get to the entrance way, and took in a hitched breath. The entrance was sealed shut by various slips of paper that held the door to the wall. He furrowed his eyebrows and approached. Pulling against the door was useless, and it was like Natsume was trying to slide open a wall rather than the front door. With a quick motion, he reached for the papers themselves with his wrapped hand.

The paper shocked him like static electricity, and he immediately pulled his hand back in shock.

“Those seals react to the smallest trace of a youkai. Fortunately, your mark has just the right amount, even when blocked.”

Natsume felt a presence on his back. A hand reached out from behind him to grip his wrapped wrist. Flashes of pain shot from the wound that still needed time to heal. Natsume turned his head to see Matoba standing close, dangerously close. Matoba held his usual smirk, his eyes sizing up Natsume like a predator. 

Matboa chuckled at his silence, “What’s wrong? I’m sure you’ve seen worst in the past day.”

“How long have I been here?” Natsume asked, wriggling out his pulsing wrist from Matoba’s grip. 

“You’ve only been asleep for half of the day,” Matoba answered as he took a step back, “It is around lunch time. Would you care to join me?” He didn’t wait for Natsume’s answer as he headed towards the stairs to the second floor. Natsume glared in his direction, and then back to the sealed door. He made another grab for the door, hoping that the reaction would only be a static shock, only for the seal to shock him with more intensity with the tightened grip. He let go after a second and took in a deep breath. Natsume looked again to the stairs.

He really had no choice but to follow, did he?

Natsume ascended and walked to the only open door in the hall. Surprisingly, this room was furnished. A large, circular table sat in the center of the room with two cushions placed opposite each other. Two plates with generous helpings of white rice mixed with vegetables sat on the table with cups of green tea to go with it. Matoba was already seated on one side and looked at him expectantly.

“I need to get back home,” Natsume spoke suddenly, “I know that I – ”

“Ah. Yes, the Fujiwaras might be worried,” Natsume flinched; he hated it whenever Matoba spoke their name, “Though I’m sure you would not want that youkai following you home, would you? And I’m sure you wouldn’t want that seal on your mark undo while you’re eating lunch with them.”

“I-I know that, but…”

“But you would risk those possibilities nevertheless?” Matoba’s grin grew wider, “Perhaps I was wrong about how close you were…”

“That’s not it!” Natsume yelled, storming up to the table, “I can’t stay here! Something needs to be done!”

“My…” Matoba didn’t waver as he looked up at Natsume, “Now tell me, Natsume, do you think you should be saying such things when you’re guilty of releasing the beast?”

Natsume’s stance slackened, “I didn’t want to…”

“I was told otherwise. Specifically, that you were willing to do so.”

“That’s wrong!”

“Believe what you wish. I do have a plan of sealing the death god,” Matoba gestured to the other side of the table, “I would wish to discuss over lunch, however.”

Natsume took in a deep breath and glared down at Matoba. Slowly, he felt his mental strength break down. He hated admitting that Matoba had any leg-up on him in an argument. Matoba used people and youkai alike as tools to gain more power. Admitting that he had a flaw his ideals was admitting that Matoba now had something to hold over him. Natsume broke eye contact and stiffly walked to the open seat at the table.

“That’s better,” Matoba spoke as Natsume sat down to face him, “Now, I must say that your plans have interfered with mine.”

“Were you planning on using that youkai, too?” Natsume asked, his eyes locked on his food. He wasn’t sure whether it would be safe to eat or not. 

“A youkai with so many followers is bound to be of some use, right?” Matoba answered, “You should eat. I didn’t do anything to your food, if you’re suspicious.” Natsume furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he was lying. Despite his hesitation to eat, his stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since dinner the previous night, and after everything that transpired it was natural that he wanted to eat. Natsume felt his cheeks heat up as he began to eat. How embarrassing. 

Matoba looked at him with amusement in his eyes, “Unfortunately, you mark has put a slight halt in the plan. That mark cannot be removed unless its conjurer is killed.”

“So Natori was right…”

“It’s common knowledge. For _us_ , at least,” Matoba took a sip of his tea, “Perhaps this would be an ideal time to reconsider your opinion of us.”

“I’m not joining your clan.”

“With the most basic training, you would have known what you were walking into the second its servant approached you.”

“I know…but I can’t join,” Natsume looked down at his barely-eaten lunch and clenched his fists, trying to resist.

“We could also offer you protection. Come to think of it, where has your cat been throughout all of this?”

“He was…out,” Natsume withheld the rest of the statement: _out drinking like most nights_.

Matoba chuckled, “Wouldn’t you think that if the youkai cared, it would have been there to stop you? Or does it not care enough to save you from your own softheartedness?”

“He does care! He just…”

“My shiki have not even found a trace of it while you were resting. Surely your cat would have noticed your disappearance by now?”

A silence overtook the air. Natsume’s mouth fell open, wanting to retort something back but failing to find the words. Where was Nyanko-sensei now? He was usually back before Touko came to wake Natsume up in the morning. He had to have been held up or detained. No, this was probably a trick to make Natsume doubt. Matoba had tried to make him doubt before. 

“You’re lying…” Natsume willed himself to whisper.

“I can assure you that I am not lying, Natsume,” Matoba stood and slowly crept around the table, “I can seal this home as tight as I can, but it can’t drown out the sounds of a fight. It is rather peaceful for this time of day, isn’t it?”

Natsume tensed when he felt Matoba’s presence beside him. He couldn’t listen. He needed to still believe in Nyanko-sensei. He couldn’t let Matoba’s words get to him.

“Natsume…let me show you something.”

Matoba kneeled beside him and leaned closer. Natsume scooted away.

“I need to go…” Natsume hurriedly whispered and made a move to stand. Matoba’s hand shot out and gripped his shoulder and forced him back down. Natsume tried to force himself from Matoba’s grasp, but Matoba’s strength wouldn’t let him back out and soon Natsume found himself falling backwards to the floor. His eyes closed at the impact, and the second they opened, Matoba was on top of him, eye leering down with a playful grin on his face.

“Matoba…!” Natsume tried to get out of the position, but Matoba quickly straddled him to keep him from escaping. Natsume froze as Matoba pressed a hand down next to his head and began to lean down. The other hand reached up to the seal that covered Matoba’s right eye.

“I’ve never showed you my scar, have I?” Matoba spoke as his fingers slipped beneath the paper, “Perhaps this is something you should see, Natsume.”

Natsume couldn’t look away as Matoba slowly lifted the paper from his eye. He had only seen the edge of the scar from when he encountered Matoba for the second time, but never completely revealed. Once most of his hand was under the paper, Matoba lifted it up and revealed the scar that formed around his right eye.

Claw marks circled his eye, like a youkai had just tried to reach in and pull the eyeball out. Each scar left a depression in the skin, and Natsume recoiled from just thinking about how deep the claws had gone into Matoba’s head. Most of his right eyebrow was gone, the scars preventing any more than the ends to grow anymore. Once Natsume’s eyes reached the eyelid, his breath stopped. Two of the claw marks reached the top and bottom eyelid, and Natsume could count how many eyelashes bordered the eye on one hand. When Matoba blinked, Natsume realized he could still see a tiny part of the brown iris from the areas that the scar crossed the eyelid. 

_“My eyeball is still in its socket, but I have a nasty wound here.”_

The words from their second encounter echoed in Natsume’s mind. It had never dawned on him just how much emphasis there had been on _still in its socket_. 

Matoba smirked and leaned in closer, “Disgusting, isn’t it? Do you want to hear the story of how this happened?” Natsume forced himself to shake his head. He couldn’t look away from the wound.

“I was very young,” Matoba continued, ignoring Natsume’s answer, “A kind looking youkai approached me when I had stepped away from the elders. We had talked for a while, and I was beginning to think that I had made a fast friend. Do you want to know what happened when the elders found me, Natsume?”

“No…” Natsume whispered.

“The youkai attacked. It tried to pluck my eye from the socket like it was a coveted fruit. While it took the elders seconds to exorcise it, it took me months before I could move my eyes without feeling pain. There had even been a thought that I would never be able to use my right eye again,” Matoba locked eyes with Natsume, “An interesting tale, isn’t it?”

“That’s…” Natsume spoke, “That’s horrible…but you have to understand that not all youkai are evil.”

“You say that…” Matoba slowly lowered the paper and slipped his hand out, “But look at what’s become of you, Natsume.” The paper fell back into its normal place, but Natsume couldn’t help but feel the scarred eye still staring down at him. Natsume flinched as Matoba’s other hand pressed the blank space beside his head. 

“I…” Natsume’s voice dropped as he broke eye contact, “This was my own choice…”

“A choice you wouldn’t have made in the company of my clan. A choice you wouldn’t have made if you learned what the youkai truly were. I wonder what keeps your heart with them, Natsume,” Matoba lowered his body so that their torsos were pressed together. Their faces were inches apart, and Matoba held himself up by his elbows and let his hands circle Natsume’s head like snakes. Natsume locked his neck to the side and tried not to think of just how close Matoba was, as if not looking into his eyes would make it all go away.

“What do you do with those youkai, Natsume? What pleasures can you find with them that you can’t find with your own kind?”

“I’ve…found friends…”

“Do you let them into your home along with that cat? Letting dangerous creatures inside that could easily overtake you and your guardians.”

“Is that so wrong?”

“You’re the one with the mark. You tell me,” Matoba leaned close to Natsume’s ear, “What kind of things have you seen while under its spell? Dreams of pleasure, seducing you into death?” Matoba breathed into his ear, and it was beginning to get harder for Natsume to block it all out. In a small part of his brain, Natsume knew it was dangerous to invite youkai inside while Touko and Shigure were inside. Natsume had the Book of Friends. Power over countless youkai. The Fujiwaras had nothing. His friends had nothing. When Natsume was trapped in the bottle, Tanuma would have been killed by youkai if it hadn’t been for Natori. 

Everything was true. He had just been too blind to see it before.

Natsume remained silent and closed his eyes when Matoba’s lips brushed his cheek.

_“Wouldn’t it just be easier to give yourself to me?”_

_Natsume was standing above the scene, watching as his body lay motionless on the ground as Matoba kissed his neck. He slowly looked up to see the marked verison of Natori sitting on the circular table, eyeing him with a predatorial look._

_Natsume looked back down at the scene, defeated, “I thought you were sealed.”_

_“Mostly. However, I reside in the skin. Look at your arm,” Natori gestured towards the ground. Natsume’s eyes looked to his left arm, where a black splotch had escaped from the edge of the seals near his elbow. How much of his skin had the mark taken under that seal? Or was this all just another illusion?_

_“How can I believe you?” Natsume whispered, “Are you hurting him like you hurt Natori?”_

_“You’re certainly suspicious,” Natori stood from the table and walked around the two bodies on the floor, “This exorcist must have said some rather nasty things to you. You’re less trusting towards me.”_

_“Before, you were trying to trick me. What can you say that would make me think this isn’t another game?” Natsume spoke, staring back at his own body being violated._

_“I see your point,” Natori answered with a chuckle as he draped an arm around Natsume’s shoulders, “However, you saw the seal for yourself. With only a tiny influence over you, I can’t do much aside from talk to you.”_

_“Then what is this?” Natsume whispered. Matoba whispered something into his body’s ear, but he couldn’t hear it._

_“Real life,” Natori answered._

_“You mean this is happening now?” Natsume asked._

_“I said all I can do is talk, right?” Natori let his arm fall around Natsume’s waist, “Well, I can just put us somewhere that won’t need much energy to make up. Just copying what’s happening makes things easier. So yes. Everything you’re seeing is what’s happening to you.”_

_Natsume looked down at Matoba and felt nothing as the exorcist held his body’s head with one of his own. He felt nothing as Matoba tipped his head up so he could kiss his body on the lips. As he watched it all carry on, all he could think of how it was all his fault. He shouldn’t have trusted the youkai. He shouldn’t have trusted Nyanko-sensei to keep him safe._

_“Natsume…” Natori pulled him closer, “What a predicament you’ve been placed in. This would have been easier if the first exorcist hadn’t interfered. I would have been able to renew my strength by now. You would have been relieved of such painful experiences.”_

_“You would have killed more people.”_

_“Of course,” Natori chuckled, “Your kind gets so offended at that. Yet you kill animals. You kill my kind. What’s so wrong with one of us settling the score?”_

_“So…you do this for a reason?” Natsume looked up, a spark of hope in his heart. If this youkai only ate humans to get back…then it was like Matoba getting back at youkai. If it wasn’t just out of cruelty, then maybe there was something to find. Maybe there was still good._

_Natori looked down at Natsume and began to chuckle, “My…you are as idealistic as this exorcist claimed. Or gullible.”_

_“What?” Natsume whispered._

_Natori looked as though he was going to respond, but suddenly his head snapped back to the floor. Natsume followed his gaze to see Matoba attempting to talk to the slackened body of Natsume and growing more frustrated at the lack of response. Soon, Matoba spotted the small splotch of black on Natsume’s arm._

_“For an exorcist, it took him a while to realize what happened. Perhaps the Matoba clan has grown soft to carnal pleasures,” Natori spoke as Matoba stood up and walked out of the room, “It looks as though our conversation has ended for now, Natsume.”_

_“Are you going to keep trying to break through?” Natsume asked. Natori turned to stand in front of Natsume and lifted another hand to brush his cheek._

_“How else am I supposed to stalk my prey?” Natori smirked, “Though…if you wish to escape from the exorcist’s grasp, you must tear off those seals.”_

_“Another trick?” Natsume lowered his head._

_Natori chuckled, “Nevertheless, I recommend checking that window. I didn’t sense any seals placed there. Perhaps an oversight in the exorcist’s plan, seeing as though he seems to reside in this room.”_

_Natsume looked towards the lone window and saw no seals placed over the cracks._

_Matoba entered the room again with some seals in his hand. Natori merely turned to watch as Matoba mounted Natsume’s body and jerked his arm up._

The next moment, Natsume was underneath Matoba again, watching as he placed additional seals over the black marks. 

Natsume’s eyes widened. He felt heat and saliva against his neck. He felt the ghost of a kiss on his lips – his first kiss, stolen – and more than embarrassment or violation he felt complete shock. Everything he saw happen in that vision had been reality. 

“Are you back to me, Natsume?” Matoba spoke with a hard tone. Natsume hesitantly locked eyes with him and nodded. As Natsume’s confirmation, Matoba relaxed a little. 

“Good…” Matoba whispered, “I didn’t realize that these things were so persistent. Please finish eating. I’ll need your assistance to find the youkai. I suppose I shouldn’t delay this any longer. I’ll gather my shiki.” Matoba stood up and offered Natsume his hand. Natsume looked away, preferring to just lie on the floor. After a few seconds, Matoba shrugged and made his way out of the room.

Natsume locked eyes on the window. It was unsealed, just like it had been in the vision. 

With determination growing to escape Matoba’s grasp, Natsume slowly stood and faced the window.


	4. Run

The air clawed its way up and down his throat as he continued to run, ignoring the fire in his lungs, the scratches on his knees, the heat on his face, and the detachment he felt from his entire body. It had been hours, seconds, minutes, days…he didn’t know how long he had ran. But once he had jumped out of the window of Matoba’s manor, that was all he could do. Run, with no destination. 

If he had stopped, those thoughts would snake up to his brain. Where was he going? Who was he going to? Was he still in control? Why could he still feel the saliva on his neck? What were his options now? How far was he from Touko and Shigure’s house? Were they worried about him?

Could he even go back?

But he ignored the questions for running. It was easier for him. It made him think he had a place to go. It let him ignore those things that Matoba and the monster in his arm said. It was like if he ran through twenty more trees, he would be home again.

A movement in the bushes ahead made him slow his pace as he suspiciously peered in. A thousand options went through his mind. Matoba’s servants. Natori’s paper. His friends, roped into the situation as well. A youkai who just wanted something from him. Again. They always wanted something from him, no matter what he was dealing with.

But instead, two dead branches emerged from the bushes paired with soulless eyes and a mouth open with pointed, rotting teeth. Natsume backed up as the bush beneath the youkai began to wither and die. It was Shi.

Before he could even move, Shi was upon him, knocking him down to the ground. Burning enveloped his entire mind. Shi held his neck and he couldn’t scream. It was choked beneath the burning, the feeling of his skin tearing apart, the white smoke that began to rise out from beneath Shi’s hands. Shi only pressed tighter on his throat and he was going to die. He couldn’t see. There was nothing but burning and the white smoke just took over everything until they were white. White like his eyes rolling to the back of his skull until they were blank like snow. Snow, holding purity that he never could have because he was never good. 

The searing stopped, but his mind still held the echoes. He opened his eyes to a watery lens. Natsume felt the tears all over his face, droll dripping from the corner of his mouth from his attempts to scream. His eyes rolled up to where Shi was perched on top of him, grinning so wide it shouldn’t have been possible. Then, Shi grabbed his sealed hand, nearly ripping it off the socket as it lifted his arm up. It burned again. Natsume opened his mouth and no sound came out…only sharp breaths and the faintest cry lost on the breath of the wind.

“You’ve been avoiding our master for too long, Natsume Takashi,” Shi uttered carefully, taking its time with him, holding his arm tightly even as the white smoke began to rise up from both Shi’s skin and Natsume’s, “My master will love this! We have not had such a sport in a long time…though this is not the time for sport. Humans need that spot to speak, yes?” Shi reached down and dragged a thin finger down Natsume’s throat. He couldn’t scream.

“It’s time to awaken, master! Come claim your meal at the sacrifice of a devoted follower!” Shi announced, taking their hand and ripping off the seals on Natsume’s arm, not flinching even as the seals began to burn away its own flesh.

Between the tears in his eyes, Natsume only saw black beneath the paper.

_And then, the pain was gone. He blinked again to see Shi in the jaws of a white creature, pulling away from Natsume, shrieking countless curses as they vanished into a puff of smoke. Natsume didn’t have the energy to get up, only watch as the powerful, white form of Nyanko-sensei looked down on him with careful eyes, examining the state of his marked arm. He couldn’t help but smile between the pain in his throat and the fear. Matoba lied. Nyanko-sensei had been looking for him the whole time._

_Natsume tried to speak, only for more pain to spike through his throat._

_”I wouldn’t try that, if I were you,” Nyanko-sensei spoke in the deep voice of his true form, lowering his head to get a better look at Natsume, “Your neck…it doesn’t look good. Neither does the arm.”_

_Nyanko-sensei took in a long breath, as if in deep thought. Natsume only watched, unable to tell him what happened. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to say he was sorry for going out by himself, he wanted to beg Nyanko-sensei for a way to go back home and forget everything happened. Instead, he felt one of Nyanko-sensei’s paws step down on him, holding down most of his body…save for the cursed arm._

_”Hold still, Natsume,” Nyanko sensei began to lower his head towards the arm, “This is the only way to get rid of this curse. Your arm will need to be severed.”_

_Severed?_

_Natsume jolted, trying to get out of Nyanko-sensei’s grasp, trying to shake his head, tell him to please don’t do this. There was another way._

_He didn’t listen._

_Pain. There was only pain. White pain. He turned his head and it wasn’t there. It was in his mouth. He couldn’t think and he couldn’t move his arm and he couldn’t do this anymore he wanted to die hisarmwasgonehisheadwasgonekillhimnow_

Natsume opened his eyes and he was pinned down by Nyanko-sensei. The pain was gone but the memory was still there burned into his mind. His heart was beating so loud and he needed to get out. He didn’t want to do this. Natsume punched, kicked, yelled even as his voice was dying, until he was out of Nyanko-sensei’s grasp and running away.

He barely noticed that his cursed arm was still attached, black as night from his fingers to his shoulders. He didn’t care. He didn’t stop even as Nyanko-sensei called after him in his regular cat form. He needed to get away where he couldn’t be hurt anymore, where he couldn’t hurt anyone. Natsume couldn’t do this anymore.

He forgot when he ended up collapsing. It was a fuzzy memory where he had been running, and then he was on the ground, face buried in the dirt. His normal hand reached up to touch his neck, to check if it had been real. A stab of pain, a hiss, and the rough, bloody texture of his neck told him that had happened. 

Eventually, he forced himself to sit up to look down at his marked arm. It barely even looked like his own arm anymore, black as night, his initial injury still attempting to heal, and the burn from Shi creating a dark, maroon ring around his wrist.

He had hurt Nyanko-sensei and he hadn’t even been possessed.

He felt numb. He couldn’t even cry about it, only dwell in the numbness.

_”So, here you are.”_

_Natsume looked up to see the dark cloud at the edge of a tree line, the dark figure of Natori standing in front of it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been over a year since I last updated this fanfiction, and I'm still surprised to see people giving kudos and bookmarking this work. I truly appreciate that people would give a dead fanfiction some love, and I hope that I will meet your expectations going forward to finish this piece. 
> 
> I'm not going to lie, when I first wrote And From Darkness It Shall Rise, I was in a bad bout of depression, the worst I've ever had. After I recovered, it became very hard for me to get back down to that level to write more of this series. However, now I think I can handle it and I have the rest of this planned out. If you'd like to join me, I hope you'll enjoy the ride to the end.
> 
> Also, Season Five is coming. Who else is excited? I sure as hell am.


	5. And From Darkness, He Approaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk is all that the creature asks for. Just a talk.

_Silence filled the air. Empty, as if the fake Natori had escorted in the epitome of death to suck out all strokes of life like a black hole. Natsume took in a shallow breath of air, noticing the lack of pain in his neck._

_“Where are you?” Natsume asked, looking down to his pitch-black arm, as if talking to where the curse was would make it more direct._

_Natori chuckled, leaning against a tree, “Right where you see me. It’s easier to talk this way, don’t you think? I’m sure even your powers wouldn’t comprehend my words in the real world…and my follower has done a number on your neck. I understand that humans need that to talk.” Behind him, a wall of black engulfed trees. A tendril of shadow wrapped around the tree the fake Natori leaned on. Natsume watched as the tree began to wither and die._

_“Why bother with that disguise?” Natsume felt himself shift until he leaned against a tree. His mind was still hazy, even in this delusion._

_“This exorcist is someone you’ve grown fond of…I’m sure you enjoy this form more than any other, Natsume.”_

_“You don’t know that.”_

_“I know everything about you, Natsume. Half of your body has been marked by me. There is nothing that escapes me.”_

_“What’s the point of talking?” Natsume felt his voice initially come as a whisper as he looked back up towards the black, not even looking at Natori, “Don’t you want to kill me?”_

_Natori smirked, stepping to the side to intercept Natsume’s gaze. Slowly, a chuckle escaped him. Then a laugh._

_“Natsume…” Natori took a step forward, “Do you think after all the fun I’ve had with you as my prey, that I would just end it like this? It’s been so long since I’ve been able to lure in a feast. My followers have done it for centuries…and I’m not about to let this opportunity go to waste. You’re not even crying…begging for help…though that is partially my fault, I suppose.”_

_“Your fault?”_

_“The mark lets you feel only what I want you to feel,” Natori smiled, “The fear of this fair exorcist taking you away…the joys of spending forever with your kind. I can’t make you feel certain emotions…but some of them are filtered out. And that all gets bottled up in your heart…until I allow it to burst.”_

_Natsume felt his eyes widen, knowing what was going to come._

_“You are peculiar, though. Some things that would make another human react intensely barely affected you at all,” Natori continued his approach until he was standing before Natsume, looking down at him, “That other exorcist…that Matoba. I had redirected some of that emotion…but there was barely any. I wonder why…Natsume.”_

_Natsume shifted, looking away, “You already know why. You’ve been in my head this entire time.”_

_“But I want you to say it,” Natori jerked Natsume’s head up, forcing Natsume to look at him, “How about some more despair for the jar, Natsume? Let us complete the climax to your life, shall we? One last time before your life is over.”_

_Natsume smacked the hand off of his jaw, only when his hand collided it was smaller, more feminine. The fake Natori was now a high school girl, a regular student who wouldn’t be noticed much in a crowd._

_He took in a sharp breath, feeling his heart beat like a drum. The girl grabbed his wrists, pinning him against the tree behind him. He could feel her breasts press against his torso, her sickening smile as she looked up at him, and eyes that knew that whatever he told anyone, they would believe her. They would never believe him. He was the crazy transfer, and she was the straight A student who wanted him._

_“Natsume…” she sighed in his ear, giving him a light peck on the cheek, “Don’t you want to have some fun?”_

_Natsume felt the fear replaced with numbness. He still shoved her off, and she only replied with a light chuckle._

_“Come on, Natsume. I’m not the first…and I certainly wasn’t the last,” she gave him a long kiss on the lips, “Though were you expecting it from Matoba all along? Or have you just gotten used to it already? I can’t tell which is sadder!” The girl laughed, and the laughter soon became that of Matoba. Natsume jumped at the change, stepping away from the tree so the fake Matoba wouldn’t pin him down. Matoba smirked as the seal over his eye slowly began to unravel and fall to the ground in scraps. Natsume looked away, afraid to see that eye again. That deformed eye because of youkai._

_“Or is it because you’re more afraid of his words than anything else?” Matoba grabbed Natsume’s arm and pulled him close. One arm was around his waist and the other jerked his chin up so all he could see was the torn up eye barely in socket. Natsume felt the numbness wash over him yet he couldn’t look away from the eye. He knew he had to get away because the youkai wanted this. The youkai wanted him to look, to hear the words that were already in his head._

_Natsume couldn’t look away._

_“Are you more afraid that he’ll take you away? You’re more afraid that you’ll be taken away. But you already know that, don’t you?” Matoba leaned in closer until his breath was on Natsume’s lips, “That moment, the very second you stepped into my domain is when you forfeited your life, Natsume. There is no life for you anymore. You’ve injured dear Natori beyond repair, even his pesky little servant. You’ve hurt your cat – what was his name? Nyanko – without even in my trance, and he’s sure to know it. You’ve been away from the Fujiwara’s so long that they’ll think you’ve run away like the crazed boy you are. And Matoba? He’ll use you until there’s not a scrap to be cremated.”_

_“Give yourself to me, Natsume,” the fake Matoba turned into the fake Natori before giving Natsume a kiss, “Of course…that’s all you’ll be able to think about once the jar breaks.”_

The flash of a smirk on Natori’s face as he pulled away. The sudden brightening of the scenery. A newborn clarity, feeling wind as if he had never felt it before, colors brightened as if they had been under a sheet of grey, his hearing grew acute enough to hear grasshoppers in a distance, in a far-away place.

The fake Natori was gone.

Only the dark cloud behind the line of trees remained.

Natsume felt the pain in his throat. He felt everything.

Natsume fell to his knees, puking as every single thing that happened bombarded him at once. Facing Natori in the dream, his encounter with Shi, talking to Matoba again, seeing that _girl_ in the vision again, remembering _that memory_ over and over again, running for his life from Matoba’s manor, seeing Hiiragi’s mask with a new crack on it, seeing Natori bent over in pain, punching Nyanko-sensei on his own accord, that fake vision of him getting his arm ripped off.

He saw everything. He experienced everything. He wanted to die.

There was no way he could ever return to the Fujiwara household again. 

Tears were running down his face, but he couldn’t breathe. He forgot how to breathe. He looked up to see the shadows of the monster surrounding him. He couldn’t move.

His life was over, wasn’t it?

It didn’t matter what happened. It was over.

Natsume tried to cry out when a tendril wrapped around his marked arm, burning it like fire. But his neck was too injured, his voice only coming out in pathetic, airy whimpers. 

That was his fault too.

_Don’t worry, Natsume._

He heard Natori’s voice in his head, drowning out the pain of the shadowing encompassing him.

_Live forever as a part of me._

Natsume couldn’t breathe. He was frozen.

_And from the darkness, we shall rise._

There was a blinding light. A light that pierced the darkness. Natsume saw an arrow with a seal lodged into the darkness, emitting a light that made the beast recoil. There was another arrow. Then another. Until the darkness was fleeing from Natsume’s eyes. Natsume heard the screams of the beast boom in his head, screams that filled his hearing and tore at his eardrums.

Another arrow.

Silence.

Then, a cackle as the shadow collapsed into black petals scattering to the wind.

_I knew this was too good to last. Natsume, remember this moment. Remember this as the days that ended your life._

Natsume stared, wide eyed. He hesitantly rose his arm to see his skin color returned to normal, albeit covered in the burns from the youkai.

It was done.

But why couldn’t he stop trembling?

“Natsume.”

He took in a shaky breath as he looked down to his puke in the dirt. Natsume remembered the moments with too much clarity. He could only barely reply, his voice a hoarse whisper like the breath of the wind.

“Matoba.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a sudden surge of activity on this piece recently that I'm a little curious about. I got like three comments in one day. Where do you sinners come from?
> 
> Season five is great, by the way. Gotta love having Natori and Matoba in the same episode!


	6. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All good things must end.

Natsume trembled against the earth, skin and insides churning as he heard footsteps wash over his ears, turning his attention away from the black petals still floating into the night sky. One step, and Natsume swallowed a ball of bile. Another step, and Natsume thought of the Fujiwaras and what they would think of him. Final step, and he couldn’t help but look up, eyes fearful and wide, to the man who had entered his field of vision. A man with a black kimono in disarray, chest partially bared and his haori partially fallen down his arms. Held slackened in his hands was his bow and a single arrow with a seal attached to the arrowhead. 

He couldn’t even look at the man’s face without feeling his heart beat faster, his mind tumbling towards a numb recess between reality and internal thought. 

“I see you aren’t the wisest of targets, Natsume. Wandered right to the youkai again. It is a shame I had to kill it.”

Matoba’s voice was like a gentle knife tracing its blade across Natsume’s skin. Around Natsume, the world was spinning. 

“I had planned to lure the youkai to me to see if it would have use…but I couldn’t let it hurt you, now could I?”

“What? And let me be marked forever?” Natsume snapped, his voice only coming out as a thin, frail threat, fiery eyes rising to meet Matoba’s lone eye. The back of his eyelids echoed the memory of Matoba’s sealed eye, and he desperately tried to claw that memory back into the depths of his brain. But whenever he looked at that seal, all he saw was the eye that was barely there.

“There would be ways around that mark, of course,” Matoba kneeled down in front of Natsume, not caring when the bottom of his kimono touched the puddle of puke on the ground, “Though…mark or no, I still have a nice end result…”

Matoba dropped the arrow and reached to touch Natsume’s arm.

Natsume jerked, spikes of fear jolting through his veins.

“Let go of me,” Natsume forced through his damaged neck, hand curling into a fist as he felt Matoba’s touch trace the back of his hand.

Matoba only chuckled, his fingers wandering up Natsume’s arm, “Are you afraid of me?”

“No.”

“Then why are you trembling?”

“Let go.”

Matoba let out a casual hum as he reached up to Natsume’s chin, “Is this about before?” Matoba’s hand locked in place, preventing Natsume from looking away. Natsume felt his breathing grow quicker and the need to run grow with every heartbeat. But no matter what he did, he couldn’t will his body to move. Whether it was the injuries, his exhaustion, or his broken brain, he didn’t know. 

“Before?” Natsume tried to lean back to create more distance.

“Do you remember when you were in my manor?” Matoba merely pushed Natsume further back until they were both on the ground – Matoba looming over Natsume with a wicked grin on his face, “After that mark kicked in?”

Natsume froze, staring up at Matoba, “I saw what you did.”

“What a weak youkai…borrowing from reality,” Matoba muttered under his breath, “Though…if that moment kept you in place, I wonder what the youkai was showing you just now. What could possibly tempt you into its embrace twice?”

Natsume fell silent.

“Though…if part of your visions was our meeting, then perhaps there is hope for you, after all,” Matoba leaned down, pressing his torso against Natsume’s as he planted a kiss on his cheek.

Natsume felt like puking again, “Get off of me!” He tried to move his body, but it wouldn’t respond. Matoba’s body pressed hard into his, preventing even the slightest twitch from breaking his hold. Natsume began to breathe quickly, looking for any help in the woods when Matoba’s hand left his chin to wander down to his neck. Matoba’s other hand quickly abandoned the bow to run a hand down Natsume’s arm.

“I’ve always wondered how the youkai bewitched you so, Natsume,” Matoba whispered between kisses down Natsume’s neck, “There’s no spells that I know of…no bribery to protect your family…”

“Get off…” Natsume’s voice cracked as he felt the air tear up his throat.

“However…” Matoba continued as if he had never heard Natsume, “I have seen some youkai that bewitch humans through certain pleasures…have you indulged in such pleasures, Natsume?”

“No!” Natsume’s voice detracted all force in his words, “You’re wrong…I’ve never done any of those things.”

“Hm?” Matoba chuckled into Natsume’s skin, “Then, perhaps I won’t have to work to outdo a youkai’s pleasures.”

Natsume’s breath hitched when Matoba kissed his neck, a deep kiss that soon turned to a small suck that stung even when Matoba’s lips left his skin. He turned his head to the side, not wanting to look at Matoba when he saw the eye bear down on him.

“You’re rather still, Natsume,” Matoba whispered into his ear in that same velvet voice. The voice that slid down his ears like poison honey, attempting to seduce him into another world, another perspective. 

“What do you want from me?” Natsume flinched when the last syllable tore at his swollen throat.

“What a question…” Matoba pressed deeper down onto his body until he could feel every contour and curve of Matoba’s body, “What I want from you is not only one thing. Your loyalty…your power…your soul. You’ve always been a curious creature, Natsume. Always able to escape to live free, free from the exorcists and free from the true reality of youkai. Being able to possess all that you are…wouldn’t that be exhilarating?”

“No,” Natsume felt his heart beat faster in his ear, “And you can’t.”

Another chuckle pressed against Natsume’s cheek, “But I can. When you were marked by that youkai, you would never be free from exorcists again. Such a dangerous youkai escaped because you were ignorant of what it really was. Every exorcist family would demand retribution for such an act. And the Matoba clan will gladly bear the responsibility for such a reckless and naïve boy.”

“B-But the youkai – ”

“Tricked you? All youkai do that, Natsume,” Matoba forced Natsume’s face back up so that their noses were barely touching, “Even if that youkai were still to live, it would be seducing you into its stomach. Such a creature only thinks of its self-preservation. And where is that little cat of yours, hm?”

“T-That was…”

Natsume felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“That was what? You nearly died, and yet that youkai is nowhere to be seen. That large group of youkai I’ve seen before, where are they now? Youkai will turn their backs on humans if it does not benefit them, Natsume.”

“B-But they…”

“They’re not here, Natsume.”

“T-They would never…”

More tears fell from his eyes. A combination of what the dark youkai did and Matoba’s words set fire onto his mind.

“But it’s okay, Natsume. You’ll learn.”

Natsume blinked back tears.

“Because I’m here.”

Matoba closed the distance to take Natsume in a deep kiss. Natsume felt his limbs go limp, mind go blank, the spirit to resist vanish from his muscles. Behind his eyelids, he could see a familiar memory play.

_”You don’t have to make that face.”_

_She was young, a faceless classmate with the straight As and a perfect reputation. She was looming over him, a calculating smile on her face when she pressed her breasts into his chest._

_“Are you nervous? Don’t worry, you’ll learn. I’m here. I’m sure you’ll do great, my crazy little classmate.”_

Natsume felt a shadow drape over him. And in seconds, Matoba was pulled off of him. Natsume opened his eyes just as Matoba was slammed into a tree, a fist quickly colliding with his face. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Natori snapped, slamming Matoba once again into the tree, his knuckles white. Shiki began to sprout from all around them, though Hiiragi and more of Natori’s familiars appeared as well, ready to strike.

Matoba’s face fell into a controlled anger as his cheek turned red from the punch, “I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“And why wouldn’t I be?” Natori turned back to look at Natsume with sad eyes before turning back to Matoba, “You give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.”

“Perhaps because he will be taken in by the Matoba clan once we are finished here,” Matoba smirked triumphantly.

“W-What?” Natori slackened, taken aback before tightening his fist again, “You can’t do that to him!”

“Oh? Perhaps you forget it was the Matoba Clan’s seal that was undone by little Natsume over there.”

“He didn’t know!”

“Would that be a good excuse if civilians were killed because he ‘didn’t know’?”

Natori fell silent, breath still hissing in the silence before he gave Matoba a deathly look, “You can’t force him into anything. Doesn’t matter if it’s your clan or your bed.”

“Then should you force him under your banner, Shuuichi? I know you’ve been waiting for this chance as well,” Matoba smirked, leaning forward to look Natori closely, “Play hero all you like, but you’re just like me.”

“Don’t fucking play that with me, _Matoba_ ,” Natori slammed Matoba into the tree once more before looking back at Natsume, “Natsume…are you alright? No…that isn’t the right question. Natsume, do you want to come with me?”

Natsume watched with wide eyes, unable to gather the strength to sit back up. He opened his mouth, trying to speak but unable to. He could still see the girl behind his eyelids, Matoba in his head, and Natori haunting his memories.

“Oh? Should I take the silence as a no?”

“Shut up!” Natori let go of Matoba and rushed over to Natsume, kneeling down beside him to check his temperature, “Can you speak?”

“B…Barely…” Natsume finally answered.

“Natsume, I’m not going to tell you what you should do. But what is it you want?”

Natsume’s answer was sure, immediate, “Not Matoba.”

“There, that’s your answer,” Natori’s glare bore into Matoba, who had a group of Shiki surrounding him defensively, “Get out of here, _Matoba_.”

“Not Matoba does not mean a win for the Natori clan,” Matoba sighed, “Fine. Perhaps I am generous enough to allow Natsume twenty-four hours to find a clan to serve. No matter what happens, Natsume belongs to the exorcists now. If he isn’t…then perhaps some exorcists would see it better to exterminate him instead. To protect humanity…a sacrifice is sometimes necessary. Natsume…I will be back to your former abode in twenty-four hours. If you cannot save yourself, then there are always measures in the Matoba clan to rectify that…” With a foreboding smile and an acid look in his eye, Matoba departed with a line of shiki following him. 

Natori was tense, unwilling to let his glare fall from Matoba’s figure until it vanished behind the tree line. Then, Natori turned his attention back to Natsume. Fetching a small first-aid kit from his bag, Natori began to patch up Natsume in his downed state. The first wound to get bandaged was the place where Matoba kissed him on the neck.

“Natsume…did he hurt you more than this?” Natori asked quietly.

“No,” Natsume choked down a cry, “Not really.”

“Hey…” Natori wiped away a tear from his face, “It’s fine to be upset. Let’s get somewhere more comfortable, okay? We have time.” Natori scooped up Natsume and walked away from the clearing in the forest. All the while, Natsume’s vision filled more and more with tears. For the longest time, he could barely see where Natori was taking him. That is…until they transferred from the shelter of the trees to the clear sky of day. And then the clear sky of day to the inside of a building. 

After crossing a few doors, Natori laid Natsume down on a fresh bed.

“You’re really strong, you know. Despite all this, you’re holding back tears,” Natori spoke, brushing some hair from Natsume’s face, “It’s okay to be a little selfish. Let it all out.”

And Natsume did.

The pain from the monster, the betrayal by Shi, Matoba’s involvement, the mark and its tantalizing images, the pain of the burns, the memories that festered up, every move that the fake Natori made on him in his brain, and the fact that every single moment of the previous days had been entirely his fault.

All of these memories were spoken to Natori without words, but with every tear and pathetic sound that crawled out of Natsume’s damaged throat. They were told through his fragile embrace around Natori and every shake and tremble his body made. They were spoken whenever Natsume looked Natori in the face and could only cry harder.

And when Natsume woke the next morning with Natori’s protective arm around him, he felt his head become a little clearer.

“The mark always took your form in my visions.”

Natsume admitted this on the train back to his hometown, his eyes glued to the fields that passed by.

“Huh,” Natori answered, “I don’t imagine that it was more handsome than I am.”

Natsume couldn’t help but laugh, despite it all, “Is that what you’re concerned about?”

“Well, it made you laugh, didn’t it?”

“You’re conceited.”

“I’m a conceited man who helped you laugh,” Natori chuckled himself before looking out the window with Natsume, “But…why would it take my form?”

“I’m…not sure,” Natsume lied, not sure whether he was ready to admit that reason yet, “But…if I’ve ever seen afraid…that’s why. I don’t want to seem ungrateful.”

“Honestly, I’m a little relieved. But you deserve to feel things after what you’ve been through, Natsume.”

Natsume tensed up, “Natori…I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of coming back home.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want it to end,” Natsume trembled, fighting back tears he thought were already spent, “I know when I see them…it’ll be the last time. I’ll have to tell them why I have to leave. I never wanted them to ever know about me. They’ve been so kind to me…and all I’ve done is cause trouble. I’ve been missing for days, and I’m only coming back to say goodbye!”

“But you’re still on the train.”

“You can’t get off the train when it’s moving. If I could…I would rather never see them again than know why I have to leave.”

“If you really felt that way, then you wouldn’t have come with me in the first place…” Natori reached out to rest his hand over top of Natsume’s, “I’ll be there, alright? I can even do the explaining. I’ve done it before on behalf of others before.”

Natsume was silent for a while, “Matoba’s coming in the evening, isn’t he?”

Natori looked back out the window, keeping his hand over Natsume’s, “Yes.”

Silence lingered in the air, following them off the train and down the roads leading up to Natsume’s home. Natsume led the way, keeping out of sight from some classmates on their way to school. Though…he was unsure if they would recognize him beyond his injuries. Natori’s attempts to hide his injuries and markings had resulted in a good portion of his skin wrapped up.

“Natori…” Natsume spoke as he watched a doppleganger of himself walk to school with his friends – Nyanko-sensei, fulfilling a duty Natsume never asked for, “I want to join your clan.”

“I was hoping you would say that, for your sake more than anything else,” Natori answered.

“When I do, will Matoba still come disrupt the Fujiwaras?”

“No…” Natori spoke, “I can leave a seal in front of the gate. Something that only we can see and will also keep the shiki out. That should be more than enough of a message for Matoba.”

“Good…” Natsume looked down the road, where he could see the opened gates of the Fujiwara residence. In the yard, Natsume could see Touko folding laundry and tidying up the place. Natsume felt himself stop in his tracks, tears welling up in his eyes, knowing that this was possibly the last time he would see that image. He wanted to take a picture and burn it into his memories forever. He wanted to remember every day he spent in the Fujiwara’s house and replay it whenever he felt alone. He never wanted to forget, though he always knew that time stole all things, even memories.

“Natsume…?” Natori placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Natsume took in a deep breath.

“I can do this, if you want.”

“No…” Natsume took in another deep breath, reaching to hold Natori’s hand as he walked down the road to Touko, “If I don’t, then it won’t seem like a real goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The grand finale of this fanfiction! It's been over a year since I started it, and I hope that this chapter is to everyone's liking. I would like to thank everyone for their support and lovely comments throughout the piece! 
> 
> Though I've edited the specific details of the ending, it was always going to end with Natsume leaving the Fujiwara's residence. This is something the series tends to mention but never delve into. There's always mention of Natsume's youkai encounters eventually forcing him to leave the Fujiwara's in some way or another, but we never see the culmination of these warnings. I hope we never get to see that, because I would be bawling for days.


End file.
